This month I set out to rebel against the common themes of “National Adoption Awareness Month” by acknowledging the impact of adoption issues throughout the entire month. I’ll be the first to say how fortunate I was that Lost Daughters kicked off the #FlipTheScript campaign this month. This led to many adoptees remaining vocal throughout the month. As I posted every day, I encouraged comments from adoptees to share their experiences and perspectives. I wanted adoptees to know this was a safe place free from the pro adoption world that usually exists during NAAM.
What a month it has been! Amazing things have happened and I have learned so much from those that read here and have shared with me. I’d like to share a few comments from the past month that have made an impact on me.
NAAM 14 – Your Voices on Sister Wish
“I kept my mouth shut for 48 years about my adoption pain. I actually thought the way I felt was somehow wrong because everyone told me how adoption was just great!” Adoptomuss
“Trust me expectant mothers, if you are even entertaining the idea of adoption for your child, that high school diploma meant nothing to me then and means less than toilet paper to me now.” Cindy
“I am a mom that gave in. I had nowhere to live, was kicked out of the house, sent to a “home” and gave my daughter to a baby broker. I believed foolishly then she was better off without me and that wealthy married strangers could be better parents than I could be.” Suz
“The most important persons in an adoption are the adoptees, yet no one wants to hear our side, our experiences. How can anyone who isn’t adopted lend a true voice to how adoption affects a child? The only experts on an adopted life are adoptees. Everyone else are merely spectators voicing what they “think” they know.” Janell
“Logic never works in illogical situations, and adoption in most cases is completely illogical to me.” Cindy
“Adoptive parents do need some guidance from adult adoptees in how to best serve their adoptive children. Something other than the prevailing rainbows and unicorns script that everyone is fed by the FOR PROFIT adoption agencies. There are plenty of us who do not agree with that, and we are reading #flipthescript, and we’re listening.” Liz
“I’m still taking apart the well-meaning but terrifying “Your birth parents loved you so much that they wanted you to have a better life so they put you up for adoption.” Unpack that like a literal 5 year old and all you really get is that love = abandonment.” 77Yan
“It is freeing to share truth.” Margaret
“I often say that my parents were early proponents of open adoption before the concept even existed, and what I recall most was a feeling of torn loyalties.” Laura
“ “Open” adoption is not what it is sold to be. Closed adoption is not the answer either. … A better goal for society to be working towards is helping all families & communities stay strong so they can all raise happy, healthy children.” Julie
“None of this suffering of the adoptees and first families is necessary. Absolutely none.” Dana
“I fought for almost two years for my daughter … of course I lost because they were better off and knew the right people. I couldn’t appeal the case when I wanted to because of funds.” Chelsea
“It always bothered me when my a-mother would announce to perfect strangers that I was adopted, like it was something she had bragging rights to.” Loujean
“My adoptive parents had a fear of my natural mother. They didn’t know her, but she was a big presence in our lives. In reality, she was a terrified, abused 19 year old girl, not the boogey man.” Adoptomuss
“Some states had (and likely still do) laws that also allowed for changing the place of birth to the residence of the adopting parents.” Tao
“It is funny, though, how our culture says adoption is the greatest but people instinctively know that it’s not the first choice.” Ariel
“Shame is such a deep familiar feeling etched into our cells. While in the womb I believe it likely started as our mothers were shunned and they were possibly (likely) pressured to feel shame for getting caught pregnant before the ideal time.” Annette
“… when we share about our status as an adopted person that people look in sympathy and silence. We are seen as perpetual children rather than adults.” Samantha
“I’m always on the defensive when I have to “out” myself as an adoptee. It’s not that it’s a secret I keep. It’s the reactions.” Yan
Each day, I was so grateful to my fellow adoptees and others that were willing to share their perspectives. I want each of you to know how much it meant to me to have your support and encouragement as you engaged in the conversation.
I also had my first guest post from fellow adoptee Pavel Kurecka who shared his experience of the impact of adoption in his attempt in obtaining his passport. I am thankful he was willing to extend his voice to let other adoptees know they are not alone in these types of experiences.
It has been a great month of hearing from adoptees during NAAM (renamed National “Adoptees Articulate” Month). I look forward to hearing more voices as many more adoptees are beginning to create their own blogs, write books and share their voices freely online and through many media outlets.
Thank you to all of you!